Nothing, and believe me when I say this, nothing, gets me more excited than the Super 14. Not holidays down the Transkei, not the first cane after exams, not Lindsay Lohan’s latest sideboob, not even the rearcourt view of Ana Ivanovic’s ad-court serve. And with three weeks to go until the tournament kicks off, I feel that it is pertinent to offer my preview of what is arguably the greatest regional rugby competition in the world.

The first port of call, obviously, is to assess the challenge that will be made from our home unions. Without any bias whatsoever, I will say that the Sharks are hands down favourites to lead the South African charge in this year’s tournament. As Currie Cup Champions they have finally shown that they can win a final, something that I and every other Natalian had begun to question after over a decade of staring at an empty trophy cabinet. Furthermore, history has shown that the Sharks have consistently been SA’s best performing side in Super rugby and their ability to turn it on both at home and in the Antipodes puts them at a great advantage. Luckily for them, they also have a fairly easy schedule, with a nice long run of home games that will hopefully generate momentum to take with them on the road. John Plumtree is quietly making a name for himself as the top coach in SA, and his ability to draw the best from his men means that the Sharks have depth that the 16 year old cruising your local mall with piercings in his face and his fringe in his eyes tries to portray in his poetry/photography/facebook status. A front row that can be picked from such fine players such as Beast Mtawawira, Bus-marck du Plessis, John Smit, Dr Jannie du Plessis MbChb, Deon Carstens and Pat Cilliers ensures dominance upfront. Messers Deysel, Botesi and Kankowski were the form loose trio in last year’s Currie Cup and will be hunting for fresh meat/the next turnover/your girlfriend. A backline that reads Kockott, Pienaar, Pietersen, Steyn, Jacobs, Ndungane and Terblanche could quite easily be wearing the Green and Gold as opposed to the jet black of the Sharks. All in all it’s a fearsome package, and one that I feel will be able to go the distance and take the crown in 2000 and fine.

Prediction: Definite playoff spot, pushing hard for the title.

Player to Watch: In a side full of gems it’s hard to pick, but I’m looking forward to Ruan Pienaar in his first full campaign at 10.

While I say that the Sharks are SA’s best performing side in Super rugby, I must also concede that they are not the South African side which proudly holds a S14 title. That honour goes to the Jacaranda-scented boys from Pretoria. The Blue Bulls endured what was a very forgettable start to last year’s season, but bounced back well towards the end of the tournament and carried that form forward into a very strong Currie Cup. The transition from Can’t Do No Wrong Meyer to Frans Ludeke was always going to be shaky, and at first it looked like burly Frans had taken a finely tuned machine and turned it into a barely functioning skedonk. Ludeke seemed hell bent on ignoring the Bulls pillars’ of forward dominance and multiples of three, and instead preferred that his side attempt to score tries from nowhere and let the opposition run through,around or over their once-formidable midfield. But there’s been a lot of change since then. Firstly, they managed to get rid of Hilton Lobberts to the Stormers in what must be the most once sided deal since the Manifest Destiny put Americans on arable land and Native American Indians on reservations. On a more serious note, the growth of Morne Steyn towards the realisation of his full potential as a class flyhalf has really allowed the Bulls’ attacking backs to flouish behind their consistently strong pack. Playoff contenders they will most certainly be, and the impregnable fortress that is Loftus Versfeld will continue to aid them in their quest for a second title.

Prediction: They’ll be fighting for the playoff position, but fourth place will see them travel and we know that’s not ideal for the Pretorians. A suprise win or two on tour could change all that though.

Player to Watch: Once again a side full of talent, but with forward momentum so important to this side, it’ll be all eyes on the loose trio and in particularly Pierre Spies to resurrect his pre-clotted lung form.

The Stormers are an interesting package. Apart from the front row, they have a pretty impressive squad. Andries bekker is on a fast track to becoming a Bok legend, and Adriaan Fondse is in my opinion one of the most underrated players in South Africa at the moment. They have so many looseforwards that Rassie Erasmus is (stupidly, and more on that in a separate post) thinking of playing wunderkind Nick Koster on the wing and their backline is littered with pace and class. Yet year-in and year-out they seem to be the little train that almost could but never actually did. Last year, a string of impressive wins on tour was absolutely mauled by some awful performances at home. It would take a pretty greasy media man to try and make out that Luke Watson and Vomitgate haven’t affected team dynamics. And for all his work in progressing the understanding of semaphore at the Cheetahs, Rassie just doesn’t seem able to get the Cape men to get their heads around flag signals like they should be able to. So, on the face of it, you’d think the Stormers have got no price. But that’s just where they want to be. Much like the Ikeys, no team wears the label of underdog like the Stormers. Their penchant for stylish rugby and their ability to tour gives them an edge that may well see them pushing for a playoff spot. If they can put together some performances at home and get the partisan crowds back in the stands, they may just be the South African surprise package.

Prediction: With so much quality in the league, it’ll be hard for them to make it especially with a weak tight 5. Anything is possible with the Newlanders though and consistency will be the key though. Top 6 finish with a look into the playoffs.

Player to Watch: The most exciting thing to hit Stormers rugby since they dropped the Joseph’s technicoloured dreamcoat kit, Nick Koster, will be looking to impress. Hopefully Rassie Erasmus will get over his brainfart and has the kid playing where he should be, at 8.

Next up I have the lions. For so long they have been the whipping boys of South African Super 14 sides. When Loffie Eloff took over the ages of some of his players were akin to those in R Kelly’s little black book. And Loffie wasn’t shy to tell us. He did have a point though, and his side of young ‘uns is slowly maturing into a solid unit. However, the excuse of youth is wearing a little thin and it’s time they started producing the goods. With the return of Andre P at flyhalf they should have some consistency in that berth, hopefully giving Earl Rose the necessary push to move on to a new career. I’d recommend the pharmaceutical trade, he seems to have a burgeoning talent which surely must not go to waste.

Prediction: Mid-table. Still not good enough to mount a serious challenge on tour, the Lions will do well to sneak a couple on tour and maintain a tidy record at Ellis Coca-Cola Park.

Player to Watch: Andre Pretorious. Both Lions fans and the Bok nation as a whole will be anxiously watching Andre P and his frail body, hoping against hope that he makes it through unscathed. His talent, quick mind and excellent boot will keep the Lions in the loop.

And finally, the Cheetahs. Under Rassie Erasmus, the men from the Friendly City flourished into one of the country’s leading sides. Their combination of forward strength and creativity in the backs meant that they there were Currie Cup champions for the three years prior to the Sharks’ ‘08 triumph. However, Naka Drotske has failed to continue the trend and the Cheetahs have floundered, relying on permutations to get themselves a semi-final berth in last year’s domestic competition. They do, however, have talent in bundles and the Free State hopeful will be relying on young guns Wilton Pietersen, Robert Ebersohn and Bjorn Basson to back up star men Heinrich Brussouw, Jongi Nokwe and Meyer Bosman. Is this enough to drive them through a tough draw that sees them play their first six games away? I’m not so sure, but they were unlucky to finish where they did in ‘08 with some tight losses and a side this talented will be tough to hold down.

Player to watch: Wilton Pietersen. He has all the makings of a great fullback, size, strength, speed to burn and a boot to match. Everyone’s talking about Ebersohn, but this man is my sleeper to watch.

Prediction: The Cheetahs will slug it out with the Lions, but I get the feeling that their weak touring ability may hurt them. They certainly won’t be last though, and like the Lions I’m placing them a little closer to the middle than the bottom. Reds and ‘Landers watch out.

So, there it is. I’m not picking an SA side for the wooden spoon and some may say that’s a little hopeful. But with the depth that our coaches have at their disposal, and with a little luck, I think we can mae sure that it’s either the mulleted wild folk from down south or the Brisvegas party boys that’ll be propping up the bottom of the table. The Sharks play the Stormers at Newlands on the 14th of February which just so happens to fall slap bang in the middle of O-Week. With it being Valentine’s Day, and with the latest shipment of amorous nubile first yearettes (real word?) still thinking that Tribal boxwine is manna from heaven, expect a fresh crop of new Stormers supporters to be flashing their boobs  showing their true colours. So the plan of action is basically buy the cheapest ticket you can find, print your student card/drivers licence/employment contract/z-card onto a t-shirt and get to the game. See you there.

Peace.