See what I did with the heading? You know, the whole eye-gouging thing. And there’s been somewhat of a media “storm” over the whole debacle. Pretty smart hey? My gran always said I was a cunning linguist. Pity Pieter de Villiers isn’t, although the lady from the car in the parking lot may beg to differ. The whole saga has highlighted something with which I, for one, have had a huge problem for a very long time.

Our beleaguered helmsman has taken a lot of flack for his comment, and considering the circumstances under which it was made, some might say he deserved it. But to say that Pieter de Villiers actually condones eye-gouging is taking it a little far. As we have all seen over the last year or so, English is certainly not one of The Moustachioed One’s strengths. It’s not his mother tongue for a start. So perhaps he misunderstood the question asked to him, and that he maybe thought it was more general in nature, pertaining to the whole air of thuggery that pervaded the game at Loftus and not just to Schalk’s horrific act. Which it certainly was, and I’ll get to it later.

But unfortunately scandal sells more tabloids than uplifting stories of victory (which I guess the British media are a little short of at the moment so I’ll cut them a little slack) and so Pieter had to come out with his tail between his legs and issue an apology. Which was necessary, because his comment was hectic taken in the context that it was and we cannot have our coach speaking like that. Furthermore, someone needs to put a stop to his nonsensical ramblings at every press meeting. He (and Springbok rugby) are becoming the butt of every joke in the foreign press. Talk of tutus, mechanics and taunting wild animals no longer make him sound pleasantly eccentric, but rather like a fool who doesn’t have anything of value to add. Which isn’t the truth, and steps must be taken to get his public face matching the obviously excellent work he’s doing with the team.

In the end, the whole saga should have been left at his apology, and the fact that Brian O’Driscoll felt it necessary to fire a parting shot as he boarded his plane back to Ireland was a little pathetic. Very brave to start calling names from the comfort of the First Class lounge, unlike me of course. I’m brave and chivalrous and never shy away from danger. Just ask that kid who tried to jump in front of me in the queue for Transformers 2 tickets. This is not the first time that O’Driscoll has been involved in bad blood on a Lions tour, and this fact makes me question my previously very tender feelings for the Irishman. But that’s news for another day, and some research will have to be one before I really question one of the greats of our time.

On to Schalkie, and I would like to say that having briefly met the big man, the sight of him sticking his fingers into Luke Fitzerald’s skull was shocking to say the least. It was completely out of character from someone who has always impressed me with the way he carries himself both on and off the field. Nevertheless, it was an act of severe brutality and one which had to be punished. The fact that he got eight weeks is pretty fortunate in my view, and his personality and character must have weighed in on the decision because I can’t see how it differs from incidents like Johan le Roux’s ear-biting. Hopefully Burger learns that he needs to keep a lid on that aggression and put the energy into more positive endeavours like improving his game. Or crocheting. Or maybe scrap-booking.

And finally, on to this weekend’s game. The Boks have fielded a pretty experimental side for the weekend, and I think that it’s been done pretty well. It would certainly have been safer to stick with forced changes, but the coaching staff have managed to field a whole new side without actually weakening it in any way. What this will do will help to create further depth and still give us more than a decent shot at whitewashing the Lions. Kirchner at fullback is cool, Steyn’s not a natural there and it’s good to have someone else competing to make sure he keeps on his toes. I think Zane has the class to make a brilliant Bok 15, and hopefully he seizes the opportunity with gusto. Twelve and thirteen are arguably the form centre pairing at the moment. Olivier had a blinder of a Super 14 and Fourie has proven just how special a player he is, even with very limited game time. Nobody can doubt Morne Steyn at 10, and I really feel that we are entering an era where the Bok team is picked around a solid 9-10 combo, something we’ve craved for so long. Kankowski deserves a run and I look forward to his battle with the less mobile but more physical Jamie Heaslip. All in all, a rock-solid-if-unconventional side but one that I think will do the job.

Graham Rowntree said that the Lions do not deserve to be whitewashed. Nonsense. If they couldn’t scrape a win against a Bok side that only really played maybe 40 minutes of quality rugby across two tests then they should go home 0 and 3. Bottom line. Until the Northern hemisphere learns that rugby talent is grown at home, and not picked from obscurity to play in positions normally taken up by foreigners in their home leagues, they will not compete with us. That’s not to say that the tour has been disappointing, far from it. The two tests were hard and physical like those of old, and the climax to the Battle of Loftus was one that I will remember and tell my grandkids over and over with verve and wonder. The spirit and strength of the Lions has meant that the 2 wins have been so close I’ve had to check my pants for skidmarks at least three times. So maybe, as far as that goes, they don’t deserve the whitewash. At the end of the day it’s been a tremendous two tests and I hope that this weekend produces a similarly ferocious encounter, as it will make that whitewash all the more worthwhile.

Boerie, green jocks, chips, dip. You know the drill.

Go Bokke.
Peace.