Quirk - The Pentium and the Chunky spare
Anyone in IT will tell you that there a certain things that should be done before you call them to fix you machine.
One: Shutdown / restart. That usually fixes most problems but for some reason people still insist on cursing their computer with death by a thousand bee stings when the screen freezes or an application takes too long to open.
Two: Check that your network cable is plugged in. You’d be surprised how many people with printing problems log calls to the overworked and badly dressed IT department about printing problems, only to find out that their network cable was knocked out of the wall by the cleaning lady and her noisy vacuum cleaner.
And three: If all else fails, call someone who knows what they’re doing…
Some computer problems just can’t be fixed, like, for example, if the operating system is infected with a nefarious virus or the processing chip is just broken. If that happens then you need to buy a newer better one, or replace it with one from the parts bin in the storeroom. The computer’s processor is the key to an efficient and competent machine, if it’s replaced by a slower one, then the rest of the machine doesn’t work as well, it becomes slow and lethargic and most often entirely frustrating, leading to more curses and profanity involving a window and good throwing arm. If it is a temporary replacement, then at least one can look forward to getting the faster one back, and once again feel secure in the knowledge that everything is right with the world and whatever gets thrown its way will be dealt with. If the replacement is permanent due to stingy management who are unwilling to try anything different, all one can do is live with it, and hope the one from the parts bin will break in time for an adequate replacement to be found.
His replacement from the spare parts cabinet is Ricky Januarie. He is the chunkier generic version of the processor. He is sturdy and workmanlike but he cannot process information fast enough. The parts that surround him then have to slow down because his usage of resources doesn’t match up to du Preez. As a result the rest of the team are forced to work at less than optimum capacity, which is simply disastrous when the main competition is the All Blacks, and they are in top shape at the moment, all their parts are in sync and their scrumhalf is in top shape, and has an equally vital, and even faster, top of the range flyhalf to help him.
There are also other newer, slimmer and faster scrumhalves sitting on the shelf in South Africa waiting for their chance to be tested at the highest level, the Celeron to du Preez’s Pentium is Ruan Pienaar. He is almost as good but not quite. His performances are slightly more erratic, mostly due to being under utilised, but he is still capable of performing at the top level. He is, however, more versatile than his fellow number nines, he is able to plug up gaps that the others cant, and as such remains on the shelf, just in case something bad happens to any of the other essential players. The players around him are still able to perform as they did when Fourie du Preez was at the helm and as such continuity is not affected
There is also a whole new batch on the production line, being fine tuned to one day take over from Fourie, Januarie and Pienaar. The most exciting of all these new models is young Francois Hougaard, he has the speed and vision of the du Preez model, but has yet to be exposed and tested at the highest level, next in line is the explosive and multi talented Rory Kockott model X. Despite being somewhat temperamental, it too has the all the attributes to effectively marshal the Springbok machine and keep their performance up to the expected standard.
Any IT guy will tell you, faster is better, and the same is true of rugby, faster is better, much better, and as long as Pieter de Villiers persists with the slower, fatter and obsolete processor that he’s using, the rest of the team simply cannot perform as well as it’s supposed to. He doesn’t seem to be willing to fix the one glaring problem in his team, so, in my opinion; it’s time for him to go to point three of the IT guy’s guide on what to do when a machine goes faulty.
