The Sinbin

Following the surprise result of what Wendell Sailor calls, his ‘unlucky’ second urine sample testing positive for the banned stimulant cocaine, Big-Dell, who’s on the verge of a two year ban, speaks exclusively to sarugby.com’s James Endersby.

James: “Hello Wendell! Dell? Wendell… that’s right, wipe your nose, here’s a tissue.”

“Wait, there’s more on the other side; over here; bit more here, ok, you got it all. Right, so pretty solid stuff that Dell it’s really great of you to take the time out and speak to me about your latest little indiscretion.” 

Big-Dell: “Yeah, no worries, I’m feeling really confident at the moment so probably a good time to catch me hey? Heh Heh, Show me the money! Whoo!”

James: “So Dell, tell me what happened mate, what do you think about the result?”

Big-Dell: “Well it’s great, really mate, you get this unbelievable head rush and suddenly this unbelievable feeling of peace and confidence surges through your body…”

James:  “No Dell, I meant, how do you feel that your second urine sample tested positive for the banned recreational substance, cocaine? Surely you must be devastated?”

Big-Dell: “Oh yeah, well it’s all absolute rubbish, pass that other Bundi - cheers.”

“Now listen here - I’ve never touched the stuff and anyway I never actually bought it, I was targeted by rugby-groupies and anyway how do you think you get definition like this? You can’t buy these guns! I’m a confident athlete man! Why d’ya think I wear vests? Watch me flex!”

James:  “So what will you do now that you are eligible for a two year ban?”

Big-Dell: “Come on mate, you don’t really think I’ll get a two year ban now do you? This is Australia! Land of the free, land of the second, third and fourth chance! I mean, honestly, until a little while ago, the only way a fella could get into Australia was if he had done something wrong! Look at my old mate Ben Tune. He was withdrawn for a few games and then that crazy bunch of old timers called the IRB interfered, but in the end it was all water under the bridge mate.”

“You know, our Union looks after us over here in Australia. I feel sorry for guys like Cobus Visagie and Lawrence Dallaglio! I mean their Unions are such spoil sports and Nelly-no-Mates. What’s a bit of fun between friends on the weekend after a big game or even a bit-o-juice before a chest-fest at the gym? Slap ‘n tickle mate, slap ‘n tickle. I mean if Kate Moss can bounce back? So can I, lets dance, I feel like hitting the floor!” 

“So have you finished that Bundi yet?” 

James: “No mate you go ahead and order another, it’s on sarugby. So you don’t think the fact that you’ve failed two drug tests will impact your immediate career?” 

Big-Dell: “I’m looking forward to the Tri Nations! I’m feeling so confident right now that I’m prepared to put money down that I’ll even be named captain of the Wallabies and man of the series, I’ve been known to turn on a dime mate and my knowledge of the 15-man game is unchallengeable, who cares about the breakdown?  Just look at these guns…and my one-to-one gun-to-thigh ratio? Who’s Jonah? Who’s Cathy Freeman? Ah! I feel so hot right now! I’ll get more caps than Gregan!”

James: “Ha Ha, yeah right, now that’s funny right there!” 

Big-Dell: “You think this is funny mate? I’ll smash your face in mate, that’s what I’ll do!”

James: “No hang on, sorry Dell, yes absolutely. Please put the table down and let go of that woman’s neck! I was only kidding.”

Big-Dell: “People just don’t…”

James: “Ah-gee Dell, don’t cry on me now mate, I’m sorry…”

Big-Dell: “You people have no idea about the pressures that come with million dollar contracts. Man, I got a shelf life of ten years tops! My next contracts gotta bring me the dollars that’ll last me and mine a very nlong time. I’m out of this sport in five years. What’s my family gonna live on? So I don’t wanna hear about your nya nya nya cocaine this and two years ban that – I AM A PHENOMENAL ATHLETE!

James: “Ok Dell, absolutely - - have another Bundi - - see you at the Tri Nations!”