The Sinbin

The Sinbin is upset!

It’s 6 in the morning after the Wallabies ‘who’s your daddy?’ campaign and it’s stinkin cold. We’ve got blazing hangovers and we’re huddled around the PC desperately trying to contact the Australian authorities.

It appears that there has been some mistake!

You see, there we were, all excited and up for a serious session of Tri Nations bash and grab and what happens?

A bunch of talentless arse clowns pitch up wearing the green and gold, stand in a line, mumble the old Zulu, Afrikaans and English and then stroll around the field looking like 15 De Wet Barry’s!! Actually, the funny thing is there was one player we recognised from the match program and that was old Jaque Fourie. (Nice of you to leave him there - some kind of calling card?) “Well played Jaque - you were the only one to stop Tukkers from drooling on the nik-naks when you went on that great run!”

                                      …”Talentless Arse Clowns!” 

Anyway… here we are desperately trying to contact someone!

Anyone!

Who ever you are, if you actually think you can get away with kidnapping the Boks and placing those clowns in green and gold, and actually thinking we wouldn’t notice, then you’ve lost the plot!

Give us back our players! - Actually you can keep them! We’d rather chew sand!

Jokes aside: The Sinbin would like to issue four RED cards, and don’t even try and contest them! The ref’s decision is final…just walk!

1. Jake White - You’re our biggest fan, but what the hell was that? Some kind of sick joke? “Thanks for the lovely bottle of scotch by the way, tee off’s at 11 tomorrow!”

2. Jaco van der Westhuyzen - Buddy, we’ve always stood by you when others have called for public executions and then you go and do that to us? You had a shocker! “Drop kick! Drop Kick? DROP KICK!” You’re a clown! Take a red card and a drop kick to the head!

3. Joe Van Niekerk - It would be nice if you’d stop playing childish games and waging stupid bets by putting contracts out on greasy dread-locks! Fair enough, we think you’re probably the best 8th man in the country, and you are playing completely out of position, but to run around like a clown for 80 minutes while we sit wondering who the hell you are, is just selfish. If you’re bored with playing for the Springboks, then why not go take up pencil sharpening or even open a bookies! Red Card and an early shower for you my boy!

4. Breyton Paulse - Thanks for the clown inspiration - this post is dedicated to you - you are the original! Not sure what you’re up to these days but it’s time to say goodbye…take that crusty-the-clown hair style with you! Red Card

That feels a whole lot better…

Springbok head coach Jake White has claimed that his players ignored direct coaching orders in South Africa’s defeat to France. Responding to media criticism over his teams lack of creativity, White took the unusual step of publicly rebuking his team.

“Rock - we pass; Paper - we bash and Scissors - we run”

The Bok headmaster is under huge pressure after his team seriously failed to impress in the warm-up fixtures leading into the Tri Nations. In a press conference, held at JHB International before his team departed for Australia, he revealed that his players had ‘clearly failed’ to implement the game plan he and his assistants had developed.

‘I unmistakably told the kids to pass, run into someone, recycle, pass, run into someone, recycle, pass twice and then run into someone - anyone,’ said the former IRB Coach of the year. ‘If we got it back again we were to pass it and look for someone to run into. In other words, pass, bash, pass, bash, pass, pass, bash, pass, bash, etc. However, we clearly went, pass, pass, bash, pass, pass, bash, pass, and kicked down their throats. That, you can see, is a totally different sequence of passing and bashing.

I can’t help it if the boys are failing to implement the tactical orders we have worked on.’

White then produced a few envelopes and a couple of beer mats on which he had laid out his strategy for the French match. Holding the scraps to the assembled journalists, he pointed to the diagrams: ‘See, right there. Pass, bash, pass, bash, pass, pass, bash. Does that look like pass, pass, bash, pass, pass, bash, pass, bash, kick down their throats to you?’

South Africa Rugby Union officials, however, have reacted with caution to White’s words. ‘At the end of the day,’ said an SARU spokesperson, ‘the headmaster is the one responsible for making sure his players pass, bash and bash again in the correct sequence. SARU will obviously be talking about these latest revelations in our next committee meeting. We will include any documents, envelopes or beer mats that Jake wishes us to consider as evidence.’

“Extend my contract or it’s extra homework for the team!”

The defeat has led to a clamor of calls for White’s head from politicians, farm laborers and certain figures in the media, but the Bok coach is standing firm: ‘It’s all about the bish, bash, bosh. Once we get that right, everything else will look after itself.’

One Springbok player, who wished to remain anonymous, told The Sinbin that some of the beer mats were illegible: ‘Look, one of them was soggy from the beer spillage and some of the boshes looked like passes and some of the passes looked like bashes. We tried our best.’

So to get you in the mood for the Tri-Nations the team at the Sinbin have been trawling the net to bring you the following goose-bump clips!!

Brent Russell and Big Vic combine to sink Wallabies

1996 Tri-Nations Commercial

2005 All Blacks Tri-Nations Tribute

The 2006 Wallabies Advert

That controversial new “throat cutting” Haka!

“You little Ripper!”

The Handbag Haka!

“Is julle bang?”

Win and they love you, but lose and face the fire!

John Connolly was on a roll. A small roll, but none the less a roll, and after a November of gloom under Eddie Jones, convincing wins against England and Ireland last month were being heralded as a new dawn for Australian rugby.
The fire awaits!

A recent advert on Australian television where top Wallabies are covered in butterflies until they pull on their jerseys and take the field, punt’s the slogan, “Everybody has them (butterflies) – Champions use them!”

See it here on: ‘YouTube’

As the Wallaby pack was shunted around Jade Stadium I couldn’t help but smirk at the thought of their wasted advertising space as clearly there were champions on the field in Christchurch but they were wearing all-black!

The Australian media has joined in the criticism;

“Back to earth with a thud,” blared the back page headline in the Australian Sun-Herald above a photo of All Blacks fullback Leon MacDonald leaving Wallaby Nathan Sharpe tumbling in his wake.

“For all the talk of a new era in Australian rugby under coach John Connolly, the Wallabies crashed to earth under the weight of the mighty All Blacks last night,”

“The scoreline was 32-12 but it could have been much worse as the New Zealanders thumped the Wallabies forwards all over Jade Stadium.”

“Australia’s towering lineout, believed to be superior, also fell in a hole at crucial times and the All Blacks forwards dominated the breakdown all too easily.” the back page story continued.

Veteran rugby writer Greg Growden, under the headline “Three steps forward and then bashed by All Blacks”, slammed the lack of Wallaby grunt up front.

“Apart from a few brief moments, the Wallabies were way off the pace and were badly shown up by the far more composed All Blacks, especially up front, as they suffered an extremely demoralising loss” Growden wrote in the Sun-Herald.

“The Wallabies’ scrum was scrambled and fried by their opponents, and their set piece work was appreciably poorer than during their opening three test season triumphs against England and Ireland.

“With the team platform so unsteady and their back row play way below average, Australia could only play fragmented attacking football, and even then they were uninspiring, making numerous blunders — and not always under pressure.”

Harsh, but fair I suppose. Lets hope the Boks can recreate the same headlines this weekend!

It appears that Jake Whites definition of a ‘fetcher’ is a little misguided. Hang on – he doesn’t even want one of those things…

At The Sinbin, we understand the definition of a classic fetcher to be that of an openside flanker, who possesses an inhumane work rate, is the first Bok at every breakdown, ensuring consistent ball retention and securing lightening quick ruck ball for the back line. Flipping the coin, the fetcher also makes life a misery for the opposition, strategically slowing down their ball and treading the very fine line between right and wrong, offside and onside.

My Stat’s guru’s at SARugby.com tell me something that is blatantly obvious from simply watching the last three weekends of international rugby, but at least it proves the point. The tongue twisting stat “First man to the break down” reveals an astonishing truth about the difference between our top loose forwards and those from Australia and New Zealand. Ritchie McCaw and George Smith arrive at the ruck first on average between 20 and 25 times a game, while South Africa’s two best ‘fetching’ loose forwards are only managing a very under par average of between 12 and 15.

I see Schalk Burger as one of our best fetchers, but he’s no longer an option. Solly Tybilika is the real deal and Luke Watson, well Luke Watson is perhaps our answer to the McCaw-Smith plague that’s been pillaging our quick ball season after season.

No Jake - a fetcher is not an American Football term, it’s not even the guy you put behind the poles when Monty is practicing. It’s not Hanyani Shimange on bench splinter patrol; it’s not the guy who brings on the energade at half-time. It’s not a ball-boy; it’s not Joe Van Niekerk, he’s a genuine 8^th man. It’s not a waiter; it’s not even your son bringing you your iced beers during your long off season of Super 14.

Jake – you’re a legend and our best answer to Kitch Cristie! Now put your pride aside and call up a genuine fetcher please…

Here at the Sinbin we had always intended to add a humorous edge to every angle we pursued. Well I’m afraid this time it’s just not possible. What happened on Saturday thanks to the Delicious Rugby Club is a disgrace to rugby players everywhere.

Since when did a mere game become more important than a human life?

Absolute savages are what these murderers became, one mild Saturday afternoon in the scenic Boland.

A Saturday that was supposed to bring a turning point to a young player’s career, as he was due to play for the Boland A team later this week, was turned into a tragic nightmare for his friends, family and every sport loving South African.

Riaan Loots, who according to his father, “lived for the game”, has now come off the life support system that was prolonging his suffering and has clearly gone to a better place!

What right do these savages have to charade as rugby players week after week?

I played in the Western Province club league once. I’ve been spat on, threatened, punched kicked, sliced and run for my car after the final whistle, chased by the gangs that seem to only play the game to spread fear and intimidation.

I’ll consider myself one of the lucky ones!!

I call on anyone who reads this posting and has the team sheet for the fixture between Rawsonville and Delicious from this past Saturday to send it to me as soon as possible!enders@sarugby.com

Following the surprise result of what Wendell Sailor calls, his ‘unlucky’ second urine sample testing positive for the banned stimulant cocaine, Big-Dell, who’s on the verge of a two year ban, speaks exclusively to sarugby.com’s James Endersby.

James: “Hello Wendell! Dell? Wendell… that’s right, wipe your nose, here’s a tissue.”

“Wait, there’s more on the other side; over here; bit more here, ok, you got it all. Right, so pretty solid stuff that Dell it’s really great of you to take the time out and speak to me about your latest little indiscretion.” 

Big-Dell: “Yeah, no worries, I’m feeling really confident at the moment so probably a good time to catch me hey? Heh Heh, Show me the money! Whoo!”

James: “So Dell, tell me what happened mate, what do you think about the result?”

Big-Dell: “Well it’s great, really mate, you get this unbelievable head rush and suddenly this unbelievable feeling of peace and confidence surges through your body…”

James:  “No Dell, I meant, how do you feel that your second urine sample tested positive for the banned recreational substance, cocaine? Surely you must be devastated?”

Big-Dell: “Oh yeah, well it’s all absolute rubbish, pass that other Bundi - cheers.”

“Now listen here - I’ve never touched the stuff and anyway I never actually bought it, I was targeted by rugby-groupies and anyway how do you think you get definition like this? You can’t buy these guns! I’m a confident athlete man! Why d’ya think I wear vests? Watch me flex!”

James:  “So what will you do now that you are eligible for a two year ban?”

Big-Dell: “Come on mate, you don’t really think I’ll get a two year ban now do you? This is Australia! Land of the free, land of the second, third and fourth chance! I mean, honestly, until a little while ago, the only way a fella could get into Australia was if he had done something wrong! Look at my old mate Ben Tune. He was withdrawn for a few games and then that crazy bunch of old timers called the IRB interfered, but in the end it was all water under the bridge mate.”

“You know, our Union looks after us over here in Australia. I feel sorry for guys like Cobus Visagie and Lawrence Dallaglio! I mean their Unions are such spoil sports and Nelly-no-Mates. What’s a bit of fun between friends on the weekend after a big game or even a bit-o-juice before a chest-fest at the gym? Slap ‘n tickle mate, slap ‘n tickle. I mean if Kate Moss can bounce back? So can I, lets dance, I feel like hitting the floor!” 

“So have you finished that Bundi yet?” 

James: “No mate you go ahead and order another, it’s on sarugby. So you don’t think the fact that you’ve failed two drug tests will impact your immediate career?” 

Big-Dell: “I’m looking forward to the Tri Nations! I’m feeling so confident right now that I’m prepared to put money down that I’ll even be named captain of the Wallabies and man of the series, I’ve been known to turn on a dime mate and my knowledge of the 15-man game is unchallengeable, who cares about the breakdown?  Just look at these guns…and my one-to-one gun-to-thigh ratio? Who’s Jonah? Who’s Cathy Freeman? Ah! I feel so hot right now! I’ll get more caps than Gregan!”

James: “Ha Ha, yeah right, now that’s funny right there!” 

Big-Dell: “You think this is funny mate? I’ll smash your face in mate, that’s what I’ll do!”

James: “No hang on, sorry Dell, yes absolutely. Please put the table down and let go of that woman’s neck! I was only kidding.”

Big-Dell: “People just don’t…”

James: “Ah-gee Dell, don’t cry on me now mate, I’m sorry…”

Big-Dell: “You people have no idea about the pressures that come with million dollar contracts. Man, I got a shelf life of ten years tops! My next contracts gotta bring me the dollars that’ll last me and mine a very nlong time. I’m out of this sport in five years. What’s my family gonna live on? So I don’t wanna hear about your nya nya nya cocaine this and two years ban that – I AM A PHENOMENAL ATHLETE!

James: “Ok Dell, absolutely - - have another Bundi - - see you at the Tri Nations!”

There’s nothing quite like 10 minutes in the bin to reflect on the blood, sweat and jeers! Welcome to ‘The Sinbin’!

Journalism is a funny science. You’re never going to please everyone, that’s why I’ve been relegated to the bin!

But for those of you that like a good laugh, a heated debate or just a chance to vent your frustrations, you’ll enjoy your 10 minutes in The Sinbin!

Enjoy!