The Sinbin

This advert came out during the British Lions tour of New Zealand last year!

                               “Impossible is Nothing!”

So SARU has invited six former Springbok coaches and two development ‘specialists’ to meet with Jake White and brain storm around a table about how to rescue South African rugby. 

At the Sinbin we managed to get some exclusive insight into just what three of these ex-coaches are intending to bring to the table, should they accept the invitation. 

Rudolph Straeuli – (his thoughts were found scribbled in wax-crayon on the back of an army recruitment form)

“I can like to bring in three specially trained army guys to make discipline for these soft springboks. The reason they loosing is caus they’s soft. Surely the All Blacks wouldn’t flinch if 2hundred rounds of M16 free fire was to be emptied above their heads whilst lying naked in the mud? Of course not – vat is why they are number one. Note to self – make sure I don’t appear too excited and if asked for a name for my idea don’t mention Kamp’s or Staaldraads. Possible names if asked – Kamp Straeuli or Kamp Rudolph.”

Andre Markgraaff – (his thoughts were found doodled on a copy of Jake Whites contract)   

“My main objective must be to show up White and make him look stupid. Like it or not, I am in charge of rugby in South Africa, even though, not right now. Jake must toe my line now man! Note to self – “Must not refer to the blacks there, namely Eric Sauls and Zola Yeye as ‘kaffirs’. Well not while the microphone is on anyway!!”  

Nick Mallett – (Notes taken from his unpublished memoirs he intends publishing once he’s taken over the IRB)

“Have been invited to attend a meeting with former coaches and the current coach Jake White. Surely I am the most important person there? My main recommendation would be that I chair the meeting. Must maintain a voice that can be heard in the Sport Science Spin Cycle Class on the ground floor. My other main objective was originally to walk out the room having been re-instated as Springbok Coach, but I now see a chance to be made “Director of Everything”. My advice to Jake would be to publicly humiliate any Springbok who has a shocker! It’s the only way to boost a player!”

 

 

Tired of work? Bored? Watch this! All Black Scrum Session

Tuckers was back in town briefly yesterday, inbetween gigs with Joe Weider Supplements, and sent me this great column.

I don’t know whether any of you who read the Sinbin have ever played a game called ‘Would you rather…’? For those of you who haven’t, the game involves giving your opponent, or a group of people a choice between 2 options. Usually the goal is to try to give the other person an impossible choice, because of the fact that both options are both stomach turning. For example, ‘Would you rather drink hot beer or hot crackling?’.

In all cases the people involved in the game have to choose one of the options. More often than not the game degenerates to involve family members. I will not lower myself to that level, however I would like to pose some questions about something which is also close to my heart – The Springboks. So consider my options below, and decide how you would handle each choice…

• Would you rather sleep with Lawrence Sephaka or Os du Randt?
• Would you rather Rudolf Straueli or Harry Viljoen replaced JakeWhite?
• Would you rather be tackled by Jerry Collins or run head-first into a wall at full speed?
• Would you rather lick the sweat off George Gregan or Wendell Sailors head?
• Would you rather bring back Norman Jordaan or Ettiene Fynn into the Bok side?
•  Would you rather listen to Hugh Bladen or Gavin Cowley?
• Would you rather shoot Clyde Rathbone or the rest of the aussie team?
• Would you rather play in Rustenburg or Tweebuffelsmeteenkooeldoodgeskietfontein?
• Would you rather have Brian van Rooyen or an Aussie running SA Rugby?
• Would you rather watch an unending loop of the 49-0 Bok loss to the Aussies or the 53-3 loss to the Poms?
• Would you rather trust Naas Botha or De Wet Barry to make a tackle to save your life?

I hope this generates some lively debate. Does anyone else out there have any notable “would you rather’s”? Put us on the spot and let us have to make the tough choices!

Tukkers out.

Beast (your favourite cynic) and the Sinbin (your favorite 10 minutes) have teamed up to for the most important interview you will EVER read, maybe. But probably not, but his expose was so groundbreaking and revealing, that these two champions have decided to syndicate future collaborations in a Parkinsonesque show. Their new talk show – Beastenders – will debut next month on BBC.   Anywhoo… This is their exclusive interview with one of the scariest men alive. Former SARFU boss, Brian van Rooyen.                                     

Sinbin/Enders: Morning Brian! 

The Beast, from www.beastinsight.com, writes exclusively for The Sinbin.

Brent Russell, the most exciting attacking player in the game, has not received game time in two months. I guess he doesn’t fit in to Jake’s ‘game plan’. Luke Watson can tell Brenty all about Jake’s game plan. Perhaps the two of them could discuss their shortcomings over a few Creatine shakes after elongating their bodies with pilates exercises.

                                                    Not too small for the Baa Baa’s… 

 

Here’s what they need to do if they want a look-in:

Brent: Beef up my boy. Have you not seen Jake’s Springbok Bible? You’ve been hanging with the team for years now! Mind you, you don’t get to see much of the field (by the way, it hasn’t changed shape… Bakkies was just kidding).

You need to be over 6 foot and weigh over 90 kg’s if you want to crack the starting line up. Sure, the ‘86 Bok team had the greatest backline in Springbok history, with Michael Du Plessis and Danie Craven (both tiny). In fact, it was a tiny backline with remarkable pace and skill (and Naas Botha). They ran circles around the New Zealand Cavaliers. A year later, that Cavalier team (in their All Black guise) raised the World Cup in the Bok’s absence. But that was 20 years ago Brenty. Don’t you know, Rugby is no longer a game of skill. Why learn to catch the ball and run when you can just drop it onto your foot, or brush it off to a forward.

SEE BRENT IN ACTION HERE

Luke: You have a veritable mountain to climb buddy, but with the South African public championing your cause right now, you might just stand a chance. First up, get taller. If you wanted to be a dancer in Vegas, you’d have to buy a body that fits the mould. It’s no different in SA rugby. Don’t give me a diatribe about your turnover ability or fitness or ball skills. It says here in my manual that you’re not tall enough.

Then (in your best Darth Vader voice) Luke, disown your father. We think he was cool, but then we don’t pick the team. Finally Luke, lose all of your considerable leadership skills. We can’t have a case of too many Chiefs and not enough Indians on the field. And remember: We don’t like to see passion, we want to see robots.

Finally, both of you: You better hope that we keep losing. A few victories and our fickle rugby watching public won’t care if Queen Elizabeth is on the wing. God knows, I’d like to see her spear tackle Clyde Rathbone.

Wishing that you both enjoy some Springbok game time soon.

All the Best.

Beast

Athletes sometimes resort to violence, in hopes of injuring and intimidating opponents. An example of such a pre-arranged strategy was the 99-call used by Willie John McBride’s 1974 British Lions. (See SARugby.com’s column The 99-Call)

View the battle of Boet Erasmus Stadium, one of the most violent in rugby history and a direct result of JPR Williams literally running from the other side of the pitch and launching himself into an unsuspecting Bok after a 99-Call.

The Sinbin and Youtube exclusively bring you our sister code, Rugby League’s biggest hits. Put the kids to bed and tell the Mrs to dim the lights, because there’s no love lost in this clip! Big Hits

Luke Watson is deadlier than Chuck Norris. He’s had more media exposure than the Hoff. Apart from being a phenomenal rugby player and the single force attributed by many to Western Provinces current form blitz on the Currie Cup, Luke Watson is fast becoming the most written about man in the South African media.

                                                   Even the photographer shat himself!   

A day does not go by on this site, and on all our inferior competitors and alternative forms of media publications, that Watsongate is not smeared in your face. Jake White and his selectors simply refuse to select this phenomenon, BUT – little do they know…

Some Luke Watson Facts

I had the privilege of turning some steaks with a handful of very knowledgeable rugby minds this Saturday after the Boks narrowly lost to Australia. Here are some of the questions that circulated…

• Who thinks Jake should have subbed off Fourie du Preez and brought on Enrique Eglesius Januarie early on in the second half?
• What about Monty? Wasn’t he looking buggered in the second half? Should Jake have subbed in Drop-kick van der Westhuizen?
• Why is Eddie Andrews in the squad when Cobus Visagie is clearly a better option?
• Should we not have moved Smit to losehead and brought onsome Sweet Chilly?
• Does anybody still agree that Brent Russell is still the most potent attacking force in world rugby?
• Sollomon Tybilika tried hard and he’s a beaut, but isn’t Luke Watson still the answer?
• Who thinks Jake will play Watson during the home leg of the Tri-Nations?
• Should we watch the game again on Top Sport and then turn it off with 5 minutes to go and settle for the win?
• Where’s my beer?